Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The Children of Israel

disclosure: This is probably one of those TMI posts but over the past week, I have spoken to many women who have or are feeling the same way. So I decided it was worth sharing.

Did you know it took the Children of Israel 40 YEARS to complete a journey that should have taken just 11 DAYS! 

Well, I didn't know that until institute. I mean, I knew it should have been shorter but I didn't think DAYS! The question was posed: "What in my life is taking 40 years that should only take 11 days"

Weaknesses: I tend to get defensive. I also tend to want to think that my train of thought is right. And I also realized that I am not fully invested in quite a few things that I should be. Want some examples? FHE, school, budgeting, being happy, daily thoughtful scripture study etc....
 Last week this came to a head. The Hubbs and I had a little argument ( i know, who argues with tier spouse ever?!) I felt those walls coming up and all the things I could say to him.

 And then I didn't.
(insert angelic choir here) 

 I remembered what I had learned and been mulling over in my mind the question posed from institute days before (yes, we are a bit odd and go to an institute class for our dates nights. I know you are jealous). I really felt like I needed to "check-in" with God. To see where I stood and what I needed to improve on. And there it was. I was being told the things I had prayed for. I was being told by someone who loves me so much. And maybe that it why it hurt a little. (actually I was mess but I will admit it was mostly from hormones, not hubbs)  What he said was true and it was from someone who is supposed to love me no matter what. Like when I am rude. Short. Mean. Impatient. And Put everything else in the world before him.

But he does love me. No matter what. And that is why I knew I couldn't get defensive. I needed to listen with my spiritual ears. I needed to change. And this is what I needed to change sooner than later

It has been a week almost and the change has not come fast or easy. I have learned to bite my tongue. I have learned that when I am tired, hungry, in pain and stressed, I will be pretty cranky. So I just need to go to bed. Or eat. Or sit down and relax. Or all three :) I have learned that my needs are so different than others. I know, I am Captain Obvious here. I have also learned that somewhere I let my commitment to my spouse and daughter slip. It wasn't that I am not giving or kind, its just that I am giving and kind to everyone else first. So by the time I get around to my family, I have nothing left to give. Sound familiar? I am sure that most women have similar feelings. And in the past, I have felt them. But not like this. Not with this much force.

It seems that the children of Israel were given so much. It was all laid out for them. It is just so obvious! And this past week, it became painfully clear what weaknesses I have been blessed with. They keep my humble and dependent upon my Savior.  And also help me to see that I am able to overcome them and make it to my promised land. And that brings me so much comfort and peace
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And not wanting to leave on a downer, this is our first year being away from lots of family. That means it is finally our year to start creating our own traditions... taking things we love form both sides and blending. And, making new ones. I think that this cake is so on that list. 
ps-on a side note, I am going to be disabling the comments starting in Jan. Blame it on the Children of Israel. 

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