Friday, August 31, 2012

Body Image

I go back and for reading some of the more popular blogs. Back and forth meaning I have two kids, a hubby and love to be outside and love to read Juvenile Fiction books instead. i have nothing against the really popular blogs. Nothing at all. Except they generally suck me in because as fellow mommies/wives/women, they speak to my soul.

all 100+ blog posts.

I recently put my baby down for a nap and stepped over to the computer to check my email. I generally try to do this on my phone so I don't get side-tracked. Let me be honest, I probably have an internet addiction. So I just stay away from it. Like me and ice cream or chocolate chip cookies or guacamole... you get the picture.

But... I stumbled across this famous blogger looking for fun things to do as a family in provo. C. Jane

One click led to an hours worth of clicks and reading and a few tears. Here is one excerpt from a post that resonated with me: the light at the end of the tunnel comes when the light inside of yourself illuminates who you really are, and what you're really capable of.

Because here is the deelio... I am surrounded be amazing, beautiful , strong women. And my enemy, aka: the devil, knows that. He knows that i can not give 100% to my family, my hubby, or my fellowmen when I feel like crap. For instance... 

Sometimes... like a lot of times... i think
"I can not compete. I am not them. They are so much better than I am"

Score: Makana: 0 The devil: 3

I will even admit that I can look at pinterest and not feel the need to make everything or become everything. You know what gets me... not being thin enough.
Its lame. I am fully aware of that. 
 I think, will my hubby still love me if I am fat? Will he still want to kiss me or go on dates with me? Will my kids want to be my friend still? Will I be able to make friends if I am fat? 
I know I am not fat. I know that. But my inner voice sometimes tells me otherwise. 
So while reading C.Jane, she wrote a post about Body Image

In her wide words:  "I want to heal, to cure myself from the disease of a body image illness. That's the unhealthy."

And so I work out. 
I eat bacon and cheesecake and green smoothies and fresh fruit. 
I laugh, play and read. 
I pray and tell me inner voice to find someone who cares. 
Because I can not serve my God while I wallow in self-pity. 
And serving Him above is what matters most to me. 

on a side note: this is a raw photo 12 hours after giving birth. No make up, exhausted, hungry etc..
and yet I love it. I tear up every time I see it. This is a moment I felt so close to God. 

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